Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
