history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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