i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
