We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
