Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
