people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
