It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
