i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
