My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
