Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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