that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
