hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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