One girl and one boy is just not enough.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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