I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
