What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
