You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He did a backflip because drugs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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