I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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