I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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