I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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