No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
