Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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