Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
