I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
