last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
