So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
