So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
