what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
