Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
