guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
