He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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