FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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