What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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