I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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