Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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