before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
