just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
