her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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