so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
