it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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