I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
