I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
