we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
