We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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