Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
