How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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