Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
sick fucks of a feather flock together
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
