I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
