i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
