just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
