well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
