a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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