I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
