So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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