We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
