Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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